Read Part One Here: The Mission
You don’t always get what you want, but sometimes, it is better to be fully equipped. Not knowing what awaited me, I keep on going forward.
I don’t want anyone to think am weird or something. But when it turns to something that I feel deeply connected to, you better don’t mess with it. Meeting this girl is another turn-up of life.
It seems am going to forget about everything. Maybe I should just pay attention to her. Well, that depends on her term. Whether she wants me or not.
I sat down there looking straight into her eyes, thinking and assuming everything. Do you also love me, babe? Or you’re just saying this to let time pass? I was asking myself.
“Jane, what if you’re just saying this to make me realize my mistakes? What if you didn’t love me?” I said, trying to reassure myself.
“Well, maybe you haven’t made any mistake. Maybe you’re doing the right thing. Everything happens for a reason.” She said, telling me how determined she is.
I was amazed at how powerful we are if only we can choose to follow our hearts. Although our hearts almost always make us do shitty things, what about those greatest times? When our hearts did encourage us to push through the hurdles? Incredibly wonderful. I was asking myself, “What if I didn’t try?”
The answer is; that I will still be there drooling about how far am falling in love. Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend.
Since we’re both moving in the same direction, there is no point in beating around the bush. I have to tell it just the way it is. So I said,
“Jane, I believe you understand my love life? I hate wasting time. If you don’t love me please let me know. I can’t be here wasting time on someone who wouldn’t care about me. I have dated your friend and you also understand the situation she put me in. Now, am not interested in facing the same thing as you. Please, Jane, I want you to be honest with me,” I said, trying to be composed as ever.
Although, I hate putting up lies, sometimes, you have to know how to present yourself. Most importantly, when we’re talking about love.
Based on my deduction, I can feel she loved me. What makes her fall in love? I can’t say. But here, I can feel the vibe.
Waiting for her response. I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t be putting the pressure on you? Maybe I should give you some time?”
She was confused. Maybe thinking if I’m truly serious? Or maybe getting nervous, what will her friends say? Or maybe combining everything? It was hard to say. But then she said, “I don’t know if you can cope with me? I am still a virgin?”
Brilliant. This is brilliant. I was getting excited. The one I was getting all troubled with actually wasn’t a virgin. But her friend? What great luck? This is beyond my expectations. To hide my happiness I said, “That can’t be. How come you’ll still be a virgin? Up to this point? No way!” I said, trying to be serious as if I was talking to a Psychiatric President.
She said, “Not that I didn’t have a boyfriend, but because I couldn’t give him what he want, he was treating me poorly. But what about you? Just the way my boyfriend is treating me, my friend is making you suffer just the same. What a great disappointment?”
And then I realized what is happening. She was facing the same shit as me. Falling head-over-hill for someone who can’t respect your feelings? What a tough journey?
But hey, this is life. And we all have to deal with its unfairness. Or else, it will be another story. I said, “Your friend is not the problem, I am the problem. I was the one allowing her to treat me with disrespect. Trying to put up with her uncertainty all because of love. What a weird thinking?”
“Well, we sometimes pass through some hurdles to meet the real one. Maybe it’s all happened all because of meeting each other?” She said.
Well thought, I think. This is what I want. Being straight with each other? Yeah, having the audacity to be more daring and honest? It was refreshing.
“I think I should have met you long ago before I get in line with your friend. Maybe my life could have improved a little?” I said, trying to feel down.
“Not really, we wouldn’t have valued each other. I think now is the right time,” she said, feeling proud of her decision.
You’re right, I thought to myself. “But hey, what make you think I might not be able to cope with you? Because you’re still a virgin?”
She sighed, “I wanted to wait until am deeply sure of the right man, and I don’t know how long that will me. Maybe you shouldn’t try at all, I might not be the best candidate,” she said.
Candidate my ass, I thought to myself. What the fuck is she even thinking about?
“You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t even try,” I said, “But the problem is, I am loving you already.”
In life, not everything deserves proper care. Sometimes, you have to go all in as if you don’t give care about the world.
Sitting down and looking at her, I know I am choosing the right choice. Even if I failed, at least, I’ll fail while daring greatly. I just want to love her with all my heart. Nothing else.
Some people say you shouldn’t love that openly. That you should guard your feelings? Well, that’s crazy. They’re scared of being hurt? What a coward!
I am deciding already, this girl, even when she’s not going to love me back, I am loving her already. With that, I stood up, leaned in, and kiss her with deep passion.
People are looking? Yes, I know! I just don’t care anymore. I am going to die, I want to die being live a life worth remembering. I want to take care of my loved ones without holding anything back.
“Jane, I love you!” I said while looking at her with that innocent face.
She blushed, feeling nervous, and said, “What are you doing? Can’t you see people are all looking at you?”
I smiled. What a joke? People are all looking at me? Funny! Ain’t you the one they’re paying all attention to? But anyway, that’s how women think.
“Let’s go,” I said, stretching my hand.
She was confused but took out her hand anyway. And we both leave the restaurant as if no one was there looking at us in the first place.
In life, you have both the YES and NO. You can decide to follow your heart, face all the consequences, and either come back thanking yourself for doing so or getting hurt to the point of feeling as if you’ve made the wrong decisions while the lessons learned will remain in your heart, guiding all your footsteps for the nearest future.
And you can choose to never take action at all, that you can’t just face all the humiliation, and later on, you’re being there regretting what you could have done but didn’t do. That maybe you could have gone for it, that at least, you’ll experience how it feels. But no, you didn’t try. And you’re regretting all the stupid shit.
But now, I have decided. There’s no turning back. I am loving this girl, and there is no way am going to stop loving her. Even if she didn’t love me back, at least, I’ll experience how hurtful it is to fall in love with someone you deeply care about.
“Jane, I won’t ever stop falling in love with you. That’s my promise to myself. Am loving you with all my heart.” I said firmly to myself. And we both leave space to let our feelings grow.
The mission is in the life of an untangle success, but only for the brave ones.
Make your decision, and never hold anything back going for it.
You can call me Lake Chass.
Yes, I am Lake Chass.
Read Part One Here: The Mission