Welcome To Hell

I wish I could walk up to every man, telling them how wonderful it will be, if ‘only’ they could live without getting attached.

I wish I could also walk up to every woman, telling them all the awesome feelings, explaining to them all the emotional off-loads they’re going to feel, only if they could live their lives, without getting attached to anything. But just the fuck it is, it seem it’s an unreachable dream.

Many has been said about love. But (I feel) something has never been cleared – ability to describe your feelings without getting hung up.

If a serious relationship is what you want, and you’re more than happy to stay with one person for the rest of your life – so be it. But don’t ever condemned those who think it’s not a better idea (at least for them) even when the reality is just that;  they’re running from something.

I respect every woman’s feelings. But that is the least I could do. I can never go as far as to changing myself just because of them. Unless the change comes from within.

That’s it. Is either you’re also playing the game or you’re being played. Either you want it or not.

Has anyone ever tells you to be honest with women? Has they ever tells you to never hide your feelings for them? Great! Then what did you gained? I doubt you’re heartbroken by now. As in, you didn’t find your dream girl.

Shame on you.

But wait? Those who tell you how to relate with women. How to talk to them. How to take them to first-date and second-date didn’t necessarily made a mistake. In fact, they’ve actually done a great job. But the problem is: are you combining ‘wisdom’ with your honesty? Ain’t women using you? Or let just say… Were you being fucked!

Remember those time when you’re being honest as fuck? Where you believe because you don’t ever manipulate anybody and that you’re transparent like no ever, that all because of that women should treat you with respect, that they should be loyal to you, cherish you and go over-the-moon just to celebrate how awesomely good you are, and that nobody should lie to you because after all you never lie to anyone? You remember? Great! How many of that moment really turned out just the way you want? (I doubt any!)

Now let look at it this way. Let assume you’re really an honest person. And in fact you treat everyone with your ultimate respect. But instead of being naive all because of honesty, you choose to remain smart. Although you’re honest as fuck, but you never doubt the fact that people can hurt you. You never fall asleep on the assumption of: as much as am being honest with people then people will never lie to me! But instead, you remain vigilant at all cost. You put everything in a perspective of: “Look! Just because you’re honest with people it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be dishonest with you. In fact, people have the tendency of hurting you better because they knew you were an honest man and you wouldn’t fight back.”

“Having an honest mind is great but together with being smart is better!”

You need to be incredibly awesome (at anything you do). You need to understand that, loving women is an honest to God practice and that you should cherish them with all your might but you must also remember that, they could fuck you real hard.

If being honest is the only thing you have up your sleeve then be ready for a difficult journey. Not only women, almost everyone in your circle will fuck you hard.

But to avoid all these uselessness:

Once people knew that you can’t deflect the truth from being lie to then that will be a great tools to be used against you. You’ll be there smiling like a silicone – believing everything you’re being told – when in reality, you’re been fed with a bunch of lie. And you won’t know. Not really, because you trust the way too much. You think because you didn’t lie to people then no one will lie to you. And you continue living your life as such. You’ve forgotten that the best way to manipulate someone is to appeal to their best side of character, what they’re good at.

So instead of just accepting people just the way they are. Check out if what they are is really worth it. Because being with a manipulative (partner or lover or whatever the fuck that someone may be) bag of shit won’t actually help you in reaching your goals. Instead, they’ll be more than happy to drain you.

And for the sake of this article (although I don’t know if the title actually aligned with what I write but anyway let just roll with it *cough* – *cough*) never take advice from anyone you think ain’t worth shit.

Be honest and be caring all you want- but never forget that people can still manipulate you together with your honesty. Hell, that’s what they want anyway. Yeah, your honesty! So be very careful and vigilant with anything you do.

For this case, love women, cherish them, protect them. But never forget the fact that: they could fuck you real hard.

I Can’t Give Her What She Wants

“The girl is not the problem. The problem is me.”

If am going to explain this; all am going to say (without me actually understanding it) is that: I can’t wrap my head around women. Not because they didn’t seem cool or normal. But because am scared I might not be able to give them what they want.

Women want to feel save – but I don’t want to do so.

They want a loving husband – when am just a simple partner.

Loving is sweet – but sometimes I prefer a simple partner.

What should I do?

“There’s only one thing that I want. I want my woman to have a base, a base where I could meet her, a base where I could say, “Yeah, am going to meet my babe,” where actually am not feeling attached. But the problem is: will any woman allow her man to live such a life..!!?”


Will any woman allow her man to be?

Let assume am dating your sister, and one day she walk up to you, and she told you how she met this man. He is caring, have good physique, and oh, he’s very gentle. But the problem is: he didn’t want to live with his wife. He strongly want to be alone. What Will You Do?

Will you allow her to marry such a useless asshole? Or will you advise her to follow her dream? – This is the problem that I have: I don’t want to be with women. But I deeply respect them.

Some people say ‘that’s just a lie,’ how will you love someone and not wanting to be with them? – Well, all I could say is that, am not that hard of a man, but when am in retrospective, I prefer the staying alone.

Yeah… It seem staying alone makes him happy.

If we should all be honest, sometimes (if not most of the time) we deeply want to question ourselves. Our values, does it align with our goals? And when we couldn’t find the answers, we feel lost.

Although, am not that a selfish prick. But I think right now, am going to be one. Because I don’t think there’s any benefits in trying not to offend my woman when in contrast, I am offending myself?

I want to date a woman – but am not in anyway interested in being bug down. I just want to be free…

But a problem is coming to pass…

I have already gotten a girlfriend.

She’s been keeping up with me all the time, accepting whom I am. But most times, I still feel like being fake. I feel like am not being genuine. Trying to compromise myself, all because of making her secure. It seem weird.

Maybe I shouldn’t hurt the woman, or I shouldn’t hurt her ego. But the truth is: I don’t want to get married. And if I must end up in marriage, I want us to live apart.

And if that mean am going to stay lonely, well, so be it. I just can’t force myself in a relationship where I couldn’t be there for the woman.

The Mundane Task

Imagine yourself having a shitty woman. She didn’t care offending you. She didn’t give a fuck. She didn’t understand the word compromised. She prefers doing it her own way. But she’s cute. She’s wonderful. When we’re talking about temperament, she’s the best. You love her – deeply. You truly care about her. But the problem is… She only care about her dream. Anything else that doesn’t relate to her? Well, they could go fuck themselves. But the most eye catching thing is: you still love her with all this. What Will You Do?

But before you started forming all the critical ideas, thinking how you’ll counter-attack her stupid behavior, just wait a bit.

Now let pretend it’s not the woman. Let pretend you’re the one. Let assume you’re the one having all these shitty ideas. That you’re the one who doesn’t give a fuck. That you’re the one who doesn’t care about anyone else except your dreams. Now let pretend that the woman still love you. Upon all your crazy ideas, upon all your stupidities, she still care about you. What Will You Do?

You don’t really want any woman around you. You just want to live your life. You just want to be whatever the fuck you deeply wanted to be. Yet this woman loves you. She deeply care about you. She didn’t gives a fuck what anyone says. She only care about you.

She stayed by your side. Always hoping the best for you. Even when you’re being this shitty, she still respect you.

What will you do?

  • Wanting a perfect match, a woman that will love you just the way you are, when in reality, you can’t even love yourself.
  • Wanting to be with someone who will cherish you, who will understand all the struggles of your life, who will make everything and everyone around you blossom, and here you are, living all the moment of your life chasing things, pursuing things you wouldn’t wanted to have, at least in the nearest five years. What a waste.
  • And what about you? You deeply wanted to marry a model, a model working his/her ass off to be better, kicking himself day-and-night to be better, but you – what did you do? What did you do to deserve her love? What make you think he’s going to love you back? You’re ugly as fuck. And you couldn’t even lift a finger to make yourself better. And you’re here waiting for the dream of your life? – wake up! No one ever wanted to be with a useless fuckface. Believe me, you’re just a stupid wreck.

Wanting something is different from working your ass off to get it.

You can be there praying all day. Asking God (or whatever the fuck you believe in) to bless you with good wife, a good wife with an excellent shape and an awesome boob. But believe me, your God won’t ever be there to help you. He won’t ever take you out to approach women. He won’t ever hold your hand, showing you around where the best place you could go to meet women. He can only do the best of giving you the idea, now it left to you to do the mundane task.

I have seen so many relationship failed (including mine). But what I realized was that, some of us didn’t want what we think we want. Because when the shit hit the fans, we still prefer being the shitty person we are deep-down. We prefer doing the shit we always do, over and over again, but just that, we’re now expecting different results. I hope we all wake up from our own delusional fuck up dreams.

Believe me, we’ve all gat a mundane task to do. (Yeah, both me and you). We must make our relationship count. We must give it all our best.

Because I think as long as you’re in deep love. And you deeply cherish the man or the woman that we’re talking about. Then I believe we could all change for better. I believe we could all say, “Yeah, I think it’s time for me to make my relationship better,” trust me, we all deserve to make this grandeur decision.

Of course I cherish your ideas. And I really respect your decisions. But believe me; no man or any woman will ever date you without having the strength to compromise.

Because it’s a mundane task, the one that anyone (and everyone) who really wanted to be better must do, at least in their chosen relationship.

The Mission

Looking around softly, there is no way I could be beaten. With all this and that, without wasting enormous talent, this thing, I will dig deeper.

This mission is not optional. It either does or dies. You’ll achieve the aims of your plan? Or you’ll forget all about it? You need to draw the line between you and your opponents.

Is it going to be easy? Not exactly, but reasonably possible. I smirked. This is exactly what I want. Not achieving this goal means not achieving success.

I don’t like the visibility of my plan. But what can I do? Beating myself up? Tag! Am going to tough it out. During this mission, it seems my enemies are going to increase in numbers. But hey, if being a man living his life in his term make more people jealous, so be it. At least, having more unimportant enemies is still the best deal compared with living a miserable life all because you’re afraid of being different.

I love total coolness. Doing my things just the way I want to. Not compromised. Living without giving a care about ‘what say who?’ or ‘who says what?’, just totally indifferent. With ultimate awareness. Looking and listening to everything without seemingly being affected. I love that life.

It’s up to fifteen minutes now, I have a date. A date with someone I haven’t met before. But anytime we chat or exchange text messages, I feel something in my stomach. What makes me feel that way, I don’t know. And that is the main reason for being here, I want to know the reason behind all the sparkling and tingling emotions I always feel when we’re chatting with each other even without ever seeing ourselves before.

Some people say “Like attract like,” I don’t know. But today, am going to find out. But the problem is: the girl was a friend of my girlfriend. Yeah! Am having some feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Or let’s just say, my feeling is having feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Because I am not the one having feelings. It was my feeling that is having feelings for emotional something else. Like, attract like? Wonderful.

But what else can I do? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend. This is a crazy mission.

I don’t want to do this. But my girlfriend caused it. She never gives me total maintenance as the one am giving her. Which is the main root of all this problem.

I don’t easily double dates. But when the person who is dating starts turning herself into something she was not, then I have to change gears. Find another embodiment that is worth it.

I love my girlfriend. But it seem, that my girlfriend didn’t love me. Or she just didn’t love me that much. She was full of excuses. Not having time was her hobby. Always busy like airport floors. As if other people are wasting their time going on dates or meeting their loved ones.

But heaven is working in alignment with my goals. She called me on her tight friend’s cell phone. This means I can now tell her friend how she’s treating me before I break up with her.

I did try my best to pinpoint where she was behaving stupidly. But my girlfriend refused to listen.

I sometimes call her friend. Explain what am passing through with her friend. And she always advised me to keep on enduring. But the question is: How long will I wait, for my girlfriend to start treating me with total dignity and respect? Maybe I’ll wait for the rest of my life?

“God forbid,” my girlfriend tight friend replied, “I know you love my friend, and I understand what you’re feeling. Please, try to hold on a little.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “I will try my best.”

But yet, nothing changed. Instead of my girlfriend telling me the truth if she loves me or not, she was playing a mind game. Fooling the reality out of me and telling me she didn’t have time. That she was busy every day. That even if she did want to come, where I was staying is too far. And besides, she was shy coming there. What a joke? Telling me you’re not interested anymore is better than giving all these bitter excuses.

Maybe I have chosen the wrong girl.

Telling me you’re busy today and claiming you’re shy tomorrow is the same as saying I don’t worth your time. What the fuck is fucking this girl? Why can’t she be straight with me? She could just tell me she’s not interested anymore instead of trying to fool my brain.

With my ultimate honesty and the outrageous feelings of love, after talking to my girlfriend’s tight friend, I started falling for her.

No way! I told myself. What will people say about me? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend? Isn’t this a joke? Telling her I love her? This might be the end of everything.

I started getting furious about my fuckup mind. Why on earth would you fall for someone just like that? My girlfriend’s tight friend? This is crazy.

I keep on struggling, troubling myself not to do that. Falling in love with someone that means much to my girlfriend? This is total nonsense. I have to work more on my brain and discipline the fucked my emotions. Why am I becoming spoiled?

I keep on suppressing my feelings until I didn’t have the power to do so.

And then I finally walked up to my girlfriend’s tight friend and say, … … …

“Jane, am sorry, I love you,”

I was feeling stupid and uneasy. But anyway, I continued,

“I know you’re going to feel wronged. I know you’re going to feel misunderstood. But to God who made me, I am tired of your friend. What else can I do? Continue being tortured by her love? No! I can’t. It’s just that, you’ve occupied my mind. Please Jane, be my woman.”

I don’t know if this will be the end of everything or not. But there was a lesson I learned for a decade now: always be honest with your feelings. But sometimes, our feelings deeply fuck us up. And yes, it is fucking me up now.

She went deep into thinking. Maybe calculating everything. Loss and gain. Left or right. Thinking it through. It was depressing. She sighed. Maybe getting panicked, because she was sweating.

After three minutes of silence, both of us looking at each other. Sometimes she looked away and was feeling uneasy. But then she said,

“I also love you.”

The mission.

READ PART TWO HERE: The Mission (Part Two)


I don’t know much about women. Nor am I planning to have them. I know it is a destination to reach. And a bridge to cover. But that doesn’t mean I should pursue them.

Based on my mentality. Couples with my social awareness. I don’t really like them. Yes, women. I sometimes hate them.

I know they’re a good creatures. Beautiful ones indeed. But am scared my feelings doesn’t last long.

Maybe loving someone is a crime? And caring about them is useless? The more I think about it, the more I feel lost. “Why can’t I also deeply fall in love?”

“A man will leave his father, his mother, his brothers and his siblings only to go live with his woman and take care of her.”

“I think from the Bible.”

It’s just that, I don’t know if that is true for me. Living with woman seem like a mundane task. With all the boringness and stupidity plus the jargons. Maybe I should just be.

But they say, “Behind the success of a man, there must be a woman,” correct! I really love that shit. Only that, we don’t quite talk about those women behind the unfortunate men. We only love to talk about the one’s behind the successful man’s.

Let be realistic. Many of your colleagues, brothers and maybe your teachers ain’t that great. And behold, thanks to their women. They’re the reason they’re living in that shit. “Not increasing nor decreasing,” just plainly normal. I wonder when they’re going to cut the shit and run-out of home never dare to come back.

But I believe, I will meet my dream girl.

It might take a month, a year and or a lifetime, but I believe, I will meet my dream girl.

It doesn’t matter how long I waited. What actually matter is if I did really meet the person I really wanted to date.

I don’t know exactly how she should look. Nor am I crystal clear of her attitude. But one thing is certain, I will never settle for less.

Just because everyone around are all getting married doesn’t mean I should. I am the one to apply wisdom and get serious with my life. Any fucking else can live their lives just the way they want. Likewise, I also have the right to live mine.

People say I am very hard to understand.

Maybe they’re right. Because neglecting myself taking care of your bullshit is a nonsense way I wouldn’t dare take a step on. And just because you see the facade doesn’t mean you’ve seen me all, brah! You ain’t see shit.

As un-understandable as I am, as clearly defined I be. Just a simple guy. I want to love women just the way I want them to love me. That’s my typical ways of living.

If you call me – I’ll call you. And when you don’t feel like calling, then you shouldn’t bother yourself. I am more than happy here alone. Living my life the way I currently wanted to live it.

But some people has turn it upside down.

They thought just the way I talk to women, and or interact with them ain’t a better way to win them. They said I should put more effort. Let her know how strong I care about her. And that I should be there anytime she needs me – which I called bullshit.

The worst moment of my life is when I try to do something I didn’t really feel like doing. Something that doesn’t genuine with myself. Something outside of who I am. It’s always end in regretting. Fucking myself all because I couldn’t listen to myself. Fuck it!

Why on earth will I changed my personal lives attitude (attitude that really makes me who I am today) all because of one fucking woman? That is crazy man!

Although if I love her, there are some things that could be changed. But not by changing who I am and what I be, as long as am not your typical go-to asshole living a miserable life thinking he’s cool just the way he is. Nope! That’s not me. I have a wonderful life ahead of me. I just wanted to be great.

But if I meet her (yeah, I mean the person of my dream. As in, someone I really cared about), I promised I will take good care of her with my unprecedented charm. Charm that no one has ever seen (assuming she’s ready to understand me because I am somehow complicated). That’s just the way I really want to live my life.

That when I meet my dream girl, the girl that I will never fade in taking care of. The girl that will definitely worth it. Yeah! That girl will never regret loving me. It’s just that, I am very hard to understand.

And to cut the story short… … … I think that was my ultimate charm. Ability to love my woman just the way she is, and her loving me in return.

Until we meet again .. .. ..

Kindly be a gentle hero.

Meet you @ the next post.

It’s your guy,


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