I Can’t Give Her What She Wants

“The girl is not the problem. The problem is me.”

If am going to explain this; all am going to say (without me actually understanding it) is that: I can’t wrap my head around women. Not because they didn’t seem cool or normal. But because am scared I might not be able to give them what they want.

Women want to feel save – but I don’t want to do so.

They want a loving husband – when am just a simple partner.

Loving is sweet – but sometimes I prefer a simple partner.

What should I do?

“There’s only one thing that I want. I want my woman to have a base, a base where I could meet her, a base where I could say, “Yeah, am going to meet my babe,” where actually am not feeling attached. But the problem is: will any woman allow her man to live such a life..!!?”


Will any woman allow her man to be?

Let assume am dating your sister, and one day she walk up to you, and she told you how she met this man. He is caring, have good physique, and oh, he’s very gentle. But the problem is: he didn’t want to live with his wife. He strongly want to be alone. What Will You Do?

Will you allow her to marry such a useless asshole? Or will you advise her to follow her dream? – This is the problem that I have: I don’t want to be with women. But I deeply respect them.

Some people say ‘that’s just a lie,’ how will you love someone and not wanting to be with them? – Well, all I could say is that, am not that hard of a man, but when am in retrospective, I prefer the staying alone.

Yeah… It seem staying alone makes him happy.

If we should all be honest, sometimes (if not most of the time) we deeply want to question ourselves. Our values, does it align with our goals? And when we couldn’t find the answers, we feel lost.

Although, am not that a selfish prick. But I think right now, am going to be one. Because I don’t think there’s any benefits in trying not to offend my woman when in contrast, I am offending myself?

I want to date a woman – but am not in anyway interested in being bug down. I just want to be free…

But a problem is coming to pass…

I have already gotten a girlfriend.

She’s been keeping up with me all the time, accepting whom I am. But most times, I still feel like being fake. I feel like am not being genuine. Trying to compromise myself, all because of making her secure. It seem weird.

Maybe I shouldn’t hurt the woman, or I shouldn’t hurt her ego. But the truth is: I don’t want to get married. And if I must end up in marriage, I want us to live apart.

And if that mean am going to stay lonely, well, so be it. I just can’t force myself in a relationship where I couldn’t be there for the woman.

Death Race

You have two choices. Accept your fate or challenge yourself, which one? I thought to myself. Option one is not acceptable, at least for now. Option two? Maybe! Facing challenges? I think it’s better than just plainly living.

I don’t know if am making the right decision. But who said every decision must be accurate? Sometimes it’s just about guessing. Maybe we might hit the jackpot. Jackpot? A very dangerous game. Some people even think it’s a death race, that we shouldn’t even try at all.

But for me, I’ve chosen to fight on. Either good or bad, am ready to face it.

It was on Sunday morning, and I didn’t know which lane to take. I was just full of shit. Although I have a plan, the problem is: that everything seems impossible.

When you know what you want, but couldn’t get it, it’s kind of frustrating. But now is not the right time to get mad.

I stood up, look around, and then realized, this is not the right path.

It is not the destination that counts, at least to me. It is the process of getting there. Because everything will challenge who you think you are on your way to getting there. You just can’t escape that fact. And how you choose to face it head-on will determine your success.

Many people will never see the mistake they’re making, all because of the struggle they think is battling them. And this battle they think is extraordinary will be the reason behind the shifting of their attention. So I have to take heed. I have to pay attention to these details. I just can’t blindly follow everything. I have a life, and I must make it count.

Today is not the first time I make a difficult decision. But, this one is just tougher. Taking the first step out of societal standards. It’s disgusting.

I adjusted my clock, it said 10:am. In a place I didn’t fully understand. Surrounded by people that didn’t care about me. All of them talking and blabbing about what they want. Asking stupid questions I couldn’t even understand. “To hell with them,” I said.

I don’t know if they understand life. Because most of them are just wasting time. Wasting time on trivial matters. Forgetting what they could have done. But doing something else instead. I sneered. These are just bountiful shit of people, working and fighting for something they don’t deeply care about. But all because of society, they are doing it anyway.

“Fuck ’em,” I said. No time for stupid people. Only if they have known, that since the day they were born, they have been assigned to death. That only death awaits them in life. Then maybe they wouldn’t be fighting for all these? Maybe they could have lived a greater life?

But who is going to tell them? No one! And if you tell them, are they going to make sense of it? Not sure! It is better to leave them. Fighting the rat race? It’s their loss.

Not knowing what to do, I decide to live on my own, paving the way and becoming an example for all nations. Possibility of achieving this goal? I don’t know. All I know is that I have to try. Me doing what people think it’s out of line will make somebody else do the same, and life will be getting more interesting. Having people who are ready to go beyond what is expected. It will be awesome.

But the problem is: are they going to give the best of themselves? Maybe yes, and or maybe no! Not that anyone knew what will happen, we just have to keep hoping.

I don’t know if people should fall in love because it seems that is the only place to get sick. Getting sick of everything. But maybe money will keep it going? It’s just the way I think.

Falling in love is a dead game, where both genius always feels the same: it hurt. You’ll do shit you’re not dared to do on your own. Only love can make you do such. It was always a crazy experience, but I think it’s all worth it.

Death race, where only you understand what you’re doing. But everyone around you? They all think you’re silly. I hope everyone understands that. What a weird assumption?

Maybe I should talk about women? Well, it seems I didn’t have enough experience. Money has always been the problem. Am just hoping that God should take control. This lacking of all money has tired me. I want to be free of all evil. I also want to have money.

I dialed my phone- toom- toom, toom; after the third ring, I heard her voice, “Baby, why do you call back all of a sudden?” She said, feeling nervous.

It seems she was still scared of my decision. Not knowing what am going to say next. Not that I want to scare her. But this is life, and sometimes, we deeply make some tough decisions.

I love my woman, and I cared about her. But this time, my life is in a deep mess. I have everything but money. Money is the main key to my suffering. And maybe not to most people, but me, I lack money.

So I have decided, this time, am going to make my life count.

“Jane, I also want to have a good life,” I said, feeling as if am going to die, “But look at me, what else can I provide? I love you with all my heart, but, does love count? How will I be happy without taking good care of you?”

I was getting emotional, even panic a little. I said, “Maybe we should cut everything?”

Life is tough, but we all have to be tougher. Instead of taking her into my trouble, I have to leave some space and allow her to be happy. I love her, but I can’t drag her into this mess.

I have decided, and I won’t go back in my words.

“You don’t have to think much Jane,” I said, feeling helpless, “I just want you to be happy. But it seems, no matter how I tried, I might not be able to take good care of you. Please Jane, promised me that, you will never stop taking proper care of yourself!”

I waited, waiting for her to make the decision. Not easy.

After suppressing the feelings, she burst out crying. “Lake . . .,” she called out, crying like a newborn baby, “It’s not that I don’t understand your struggle, but please, are you going to leave me?”

I know I was in deep shit. When I met Jane, we were both in a mess of feelings. Falling in love with someone who doesn’t mean much to us. Or someone that doesn’t see us just the way we see them. It was a very complicated emotion. We can’t even decide what we want.

Then we share the same feelings, have the same view of life, and permanently understand each other. And we finally fall in love.

Not that I have much money, but at least I have enough to go by. But suddenly, everything turns from not too great to worst. I started facing another huddle of life. Getting loans to support myself, it was as if I didn’t understand shit.

But what else could I do? Dragging her to this mess? No way! I’d rather leave her than distort her life. It’s a decision, the one that has been made.

I don’t directly answer her question, instead, I said, “This is a death race Jane, and I won’t ever turn back without achieving my goal, and my goal is to take a good care of you.”

I didn’t know, but then I realized, I was also shedding tears.

First time in my life, I was crying because I love women? It was a surprise, but I soon realized, I was deeply in love with Jane.

Jane is the best promising woman of my dream. Should I reconsider? No way! I must never go back to my words.

Without holding back I said, “Yes, I have to leave you for now, but I promised, I won’t ever stop thinking about you. I love you Jane. Goodbye,” and I hung up the phone.

I didn’t mean to hurt you, nor am I happy doing this, but this is a decision I have to make, and no anyone can hold me back.

I looked around, seeing everyone smiling and laughing. And that makes me ask myself, “Are these people truly happy, or they’re just faking it?”

I stared at my phone, switched it off, and break the sim card in it. Chewed it until I couldn’t recognize it was a sim. Then I took the battery and throw it away.

“This place,” I thought to myself, “I won’t ever come back without becoming successful. And maybe, Jane will be there waiting for me,” I said, murmuring to myself. And I turn back to the place I didn’t want to go.

Death race, a place where only you can dictate your life.

And I promise I won’t ever come back without achieving my goal.

Lake Chass.

In My Dating Book

I don’t want to know much about life. Maybe I should just live my life the way am currently thinking of doing so? – I don’t know. But I just want to be free like an eagle. And yes! I might be a real loner.

Sometimes money ain’t being my problem. Although I didn’t have much you know. Am still full of debt and some stupid shit am paying out for. But I love those crazy shits of my life. Only that, some of these debts are holding me back. But well, am going to pay it all.

Okay, why am I writing this? Well, it’s all because I want to be a loner. And or maybe not a loner. But someone who didn’t have a lot to be bug down. A free man. Living life on my own term.

I may meet my dream girl (or maybe I won’t). That ain’t certain. Only death is certain. But I want to live without caring about a single fucking shit. And yes! Maybe fucking around a little. I love this crazy adventure called life. I just want to live my life to the fullest.

I might be in my hometown. (That’s currently where I am anyway). But that doesn’t stop me from living my life. All I need to do is to plan it based on my heart desires and wants.

Some people think am just wasting time. Well, maybe they’re right. Wasting time is my hobbies. As long as am not doing things society deemed normal. As long as am living my life on my own personal term. Not caring much about anything. Just plainly living my life.

In this dating jungle. I don’t really know if am going to settled down. But you know what? Both “mum” and “dad” are expecting grandson and granddaughter. Maybe I should give them one or two? Or I should just tell them to go fuck themselves?

But wait – ain’t it bad not to have my own kid, after all they born me as well?

It’s okay, I might end up having a child or two, but not in a crazy way almost everyone are doing it. (Going to school. Marry your dream or maybe not your dream girl. Spend the money that could be used to cater for the kids instead of crazily lavish it on your wedding ceremony. Then follow up with four to six kids no one will ever remember because they didn’t amount to anything much in life all because the money that could be used to take care of one child is being used to take care of five). Useless life.

That ain’t for me.

I want to create my own life. Maybe in a way nobody understood. Hell, I might not even understand it myself. But just creating it anyway.

My life. Not my fellow brothers life. So am free to do anything am capable of doing, as long as I can face the consequences. Yeah! That’s it.

And sometimes, there’s nothing like clean sheet.

I love meeting and approaching women. Then I realized, not every woman will like me. Sometimes I really want them to, but I have to face the harsh reality of life: just because you love somebody doesn’t mean they’re going to love you back. You have to face the truth.

I don’t know if am going to regret everything that am doing now or not. Because I’ve met so many women that I don’t even know which one is who. Am just hoping that this lifestyle won’t fuck me up.

I love some of the women I met. And some of them are just plainly filling the gap. I don’t know if that’s how I am to them as well, but all I know is: everyone has their own target.

Some of the women I met really want to settled down. (In which am not). And some of them are just plainly in it for sex.

Some of them only have interest in me, interest I can’t even explain or imagine. And some are just plainly not interested.

There are some I sometimes don’t want to lose, because I really want to protect them. And I really want to marry them.

But to hell with me, I’m not sure I could get married. (And this unmarried issue is disturbing me. It is fucking my life).

I sometimes feel guilty for my lifestyle. Where am looking at the girl I like leaving me all because I only care about sex. It’s painful. But, I just have to deal with it.

I might not leave every woman I met with a clean sheets. Maybe we’re going to sometimes make it rough. Where both of us depart with disagreement and scrutiny attention of wants. Where we both love each other, but our expectations and experiences are contradicting each other.

That is my ugly part of dating.

I don’t really think I could settled down. And in my dating book, I wish all the women I met really understand me.

I really love them. But I love my life better.

I don’t want to live a normal life.

You can join my WhatsApp Group here: https://chat.whatsapp.com/EmnAShBe9DfIHKsNg5PXx4

Fuck Your Ideas

The notion of knowing what to do and not doing it is a definition of uselessness.

You have so many great ideas and yet you’re living a useless life. All you think about is theory.

Theory this. Theory that. Fuck you! Do you think all successful business man and woman only think about success? You stupid asshole!

Based on my calculations, many people will end up fighting over partners than actually pursuing their dreams. And the question is: why are you so stupid chasing your partner instead of chasing goals?

Don’t you know that your ability in achieving greatness will somehow drive the aura of your so called love ones into your life? So stop foolishly fucking around!

Of course I want you to find your dream man and or woman. But that doesn’t stop you from working your ass off. Or are you just planning to talk about your ideas day-in and day-out without any results to show for it? If that’s your plan then fuck you. I won’t ever open my eyes looking at you going useless. I must do something about it.

Because telling me about all your crazy ideas and filling my head with your creativity jargons is a useless tactics if you couldn’t amount to something great.

And building all your useless mansions in your head with a views that makes Barrack Obama think his house is outdated that he should build another one to compete with your own won’t do anyone any good.

If your theoretical life is so great than your realistical life then you wouldn’t be here reading my jargons. At least, you’ll be somewhere else doing something else but anyway, I appreciate your usefulness. I think writing this ain’t for my own personal entertainment it’s for people behind shit. We need to uncover all your stupid jargons.

If you’re not ready to take actions then – fuck all your ideas.

Some people are even useless to the point of waiting for the right time. Eh! Waiting for that special moment of your life, huh? Where mother nature will bring every signs and push to you all your needs without you lifting a finger? Fuck you! And fuck your devil may care attitude.

Believe me, your ignorance is bliss. Sitting down there talking about dreams, goals, ambitions, and ideas without any usefulness in you? I think you’re just a useless fellow. Do you think those who are helping you doesn’t also has their own fucking shit? Do you think they don’t have their own problems? You little bastard.

I am tired of you!

Yes! You too should find something to do. Anything. It is in doing anything you’ll find something resonating with you. Something you can now call your own. Filling my head everyday with your bullshit is already a brain numbness for me. Please do something.

Don’t ever tell me about your problems, what you want and how you want to live your life again. Show me the practical step you’re taking you stupid shit.

Sitting down all day complaining you didn’t understand your life without doing anything? Oh hoo! You will understand it! Ab’oo ti o ni? You useless asshole.

Take actions. Yes! Do anything.

Figuring out your life doesn’t mean just doing a single thing. You have to kiss a lot of frogs. You have to do things you didn’t want to do. You have to go where you didn’t want to go. You have to take actions you didn’t want to take.

Sometimes you’ll feel miserable. And sometimes you’ll feel like shit. Most times you’ll regret everything. And some other times you’ll feel like king.

But believe me, your ideas will only remain well ‘your ideas’ without taking the necessary steps and fighting your way out.

That crazy ideas of yours might turn you to a living legend only if you could put yourself out there.

So stop talking about it and start taking actions now.

Action is the only thing that counts.

And if you think you’re still not ready to take actions and challenge your beliefs then fuck you and fuck your ideas.

Meet you @ the next post.

This Time Around: I’ve Gat To Make Some Tough Decisions.

And my stubborness are either going to make me or break me. There’s no in-between.

To be become a successful man, you have to be toiling and struggling. The only thing that can stop you is death.

I know it’s not easy to be this so called successful man, but who the hell really want it to be easy? After all, making it easy will make everyone happy enough to achieve it. And here- we’re not talking about being happy. In fact, I am not happy at all.

“If truly it’s that easy to get there, then everyone else will be hoping so. But I thank God, only the crazy ones are badass enough to get there. So for this reason, I’ve gat to be crazy.”

My life is not easy, and am not planning on making it. I just want to experience this hardship. I want to really face it. I don’t want to die regretting my life.

“If success mean forgetting and leaving everything behind- in order to reach my goal. So be it! I am here for this journey not to familiarize myself.”

I just wanted to be great.

I want to become a warrior. Someone that people look up to. Man of yet another caliber. I want to be this great.

‘If this mean walking a thousand miles – then am ready.’

Being stupid shouldn’t be among the equation.

Even though failure is inevitable. I just have to keep on moving.

“I don’t know if am actually doing the right thing or doing the wrong ones. But all I know is that- no matter what happens- that no matter the situation I found myself, I won’t ever give up on my dream.”

Sometimes I started feeling nervous. And sometimes I feel great. But what I realized is that, anyhow I feel doesn’t really matter. What matter most is if am willing to face it. If I won’t quit when the going get tough.

And in fact I don’t feel like writing this article. But what good will it do me if I didn’t? Because at the end of almost every journey, what you didn’t really wanted to do always bring the most badass out of you.

I need to tough this out.

I know that am not feeling fine. Too much failure is pestering me to quit. In fact, I am getting tired. But how on earth will I quit? How on earth will I face myself if I did quit?

All I have to do is to grit this out. To face it. And bring out the best out of myself.

I don’t really care about you.

Yes! Am not giving a fuck.

Either you make it or not is none of my business. But I have to warn you: why on earth you won’t want to make it? Hell, what make you even think such?

You have a future- sure. But what make you think you wouldn’t go that far?

I am holding myself back and I didn’t know how.

I am not feeling the pressure to be great and that is making me sick. Why on earth will I be normal? Does normal people even make it to the top?

Like seriously I am getting more unthinkable. Why on earth will I want to live ‘ON’ this miserable life? Why couldn’t I changed myself? Why am I becoming more stupid?

I don’t really know what to do. How on earth will I pass through this level?

I really want to live a badass life. But believe me, too much failure is killing me.

Why is success so hard? Why is making money seem unreachable?

Sincerely speaking, I don’t really know what to do. Maybe I should give up everything? Hell no! I still have to keep on moving. Who knows, maybe tomorrow might turn out to be my greatest day.

I’ve gat to keep on moving.

Have a greatest life.

It’s your guy . . .


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