Death Race

You have two choices. Accept your fate or challenge yourself, which one? I thought to myself. Option one is not acceptable, at least for now. Option two? Maybe! Facing challenges? I think it’s better than just plainly living.

I don’t know if am making the right decision. But who said every decision must be accurate? Sometimes it’s just about guessing. Maybe we might hit the jackpot. Jackpot? A very dangerous game. Some people even think it’s a death race, that we shouldn’t even try at all.

But for me, I’ve chosen to fight on. Either good or bad, am ready to face it.

It was on Sunday morning, and I didn’t know which lane to take. I was just full of shit. Although I have a plan, the problem is: that everything seems impossible.

When you know what you want, but couldn’t get it, it’s kind of frustrating. But now is not the right time to get mad.

I stood up, look around, and then realized, this is not the right path.

It is not the destination that counts, at least to me. It is the process of getting there. Because everything will challenge who you think you are on your way to getting there. You just can’t escape that fact. And how you choose to face it head-on will determine your success.

Many people will never see the mistake they’re making, all because of the struggle they think is battling them. And this battle they think is extraordinary will be the reason behind the shifting of their attention. So I have to take heed. I have to pay attention to these details. I just can’t blindly follow everything. I have a life, and I must make it count.

Today is not the first time I make a difficult decision. But, this one is just tougher. Taking the first step out of societal standards. It’s disgusting.

I adjusted my clock, it said 10:am. In a place I didn’t fully understand. Surrounded by people that didn’t care about me. All of them talking and blabbing about what they want. Asking stupid questions I couldn’t even understand. “To hell with them,” I said.

I don’t know if they understand life. Because most of them are just wasting time. Wasting time on trivial matters. Forgetting what they could have done. But doing something else instead. I sneered. These are just bountiful shit of people, working and fighting for something they don’t deeply care about. But all because of society, they are doing it anyway.

“Fuck ’em,” I said. No time for stupid people. Only if they have known, that since the day they were born, they have been assigned to death. That only death awaits them in life. Then maybe they wouldn’t be fighting for all these? Maybe they could have lived a greater life?

But who is going to tell them? No one! And if you tell them, are they going to make sense of it? Not sure! It is better to leave them. Fighting the rat race? It’s their loss.

Not knowing what to do, I decide to live on my own, paving the way and becoming an example for all nations. Possibility of achieving this goal? I don’t know. All I know is that I have to try. Me doing what people think it’s out of line will make somebody else do the same, and life will be getting more interesting. Having people who are ready to go beyond what is expected. It will be awesome.

But the problem is: are they going to give the best of themselves? Maybe yes, and or maybe no! Not that anyone knew what will happen, we just have to keep hoping.

I don’t know if people should fall in love because it seems that is the only place to get sick. Getting sick of everything. But maybe money will keep it going? It’s just the way I think.

Falling in love is a dead game, where both genius always feels the same: it hurt. You’ll do shit you’re not dared to do on your own. Only love can make you do such. It was always a crazy experience, but I think it’s all worth it.

Death race, where only you understand what you’re doing. But everyone around you? They all think you’re silly. I hope everyone understands that. What a weird assumption?

Maybe I should talk about women? Well, it seems I didn’t have enough experience. Money has always been the problem. Am just hoping that God should take control. This lacking of all money has tired me. I want to be free of all evil. I also want to have money.

I dialed my phone- toom- toom, toom; after the third ring, I heard her voice, “Baby, why do you call back all of a sudden?” She said, feeling nervous.

It seems she was still scared of my decision. Not knowing what am going to say next. Not that I want to scare her. But this is life, and sometimes, we deeply make some tough decisions.

I love my woman, and I cared about her. But this time, my life is in a deep mess. I have everything but money. Money is the main key to my suffering. And maybe not to most people, but me, I lack money.

So I have decided, this time, am going to make my life count.

“Jane, I also want to have a good life,” I said, feeling as if am going to die, “But look at me, what else can I provide? I love you with all my heart, but, does love count? How will I be happy without taking good care of you?”

I was getting emotional, even panic a little. I said, “Maybe we should cut everything?”

Life is tough, but we all have to be tougher. Instead of taking her into my trouble, I have to leave some space and allow her to be happy. I love her, but I can’t drag her into this mess.

I have decided, and I won’t go back in my words.

“You don’t have to think much Jane,” I said, feeling helpless, “I just want you to be happy. But it seems, no matter how I tried, I might not be able to take good care of you. Please Jane, promised me that, you will never stop taking proper care of yourself!”

I waited, waiting for her to make the decision. Not easy.

After suppressing the feelings, she burst out crying. “Lake . . .,” she called out, crying like a newborn baby, “It’s not that I don’t understand your struggle, but please, are you going to leave me?”

I know I was in deep shit. When I met Jane, we were both in a mess of feelings. Falling in love with someone who doesn’t mean much to us. Or someone that doesn’t see us just the way we see them. It was a very complicated emotion. We can’t even decide what we want.

Then we share the same feelings, have the same view of life, and permanently understand each other. And we finally fall in love.

Not that I have much money, but at least I have enough to go by. But suddenly, everything turns from not too great to worst. I started facing another huddle of life. Getting loans to support myself, it was as if I didn’t understand shit.

But what else could I do? Dragging her to this mess? No way! I’d rather leave her than distort her life. It’s a decision, the one that has been made.

I don’t directly answer her question, instead, I said, “This is a death race Jane, and I won’t ever turn back without achieving my goal, and my goal is to take a good care of you.”

I didn’t know, but then I realized, I was also shedding tears.

First time in my life, I was crying because I love women? It was a surprise, but I soon realized, I was deeply in love with Jane.

Jane is the best promising woman of my dream. Should I reconsider? No way! I must never go back to my words.

Without holding back I said, “Yes, I have to leave you for now, but I promised, I won’t ever stop thinking about you. I love you Jane. Goodbye,” and I hung up the phone.

I didn’t mean to hurt you, nor am I happy doing this, but this is a decision I have to make, and no anyone can hold me back.

I looked around, seeing everyone smiling and laughing. And that makes me ask myself, “Are these people truly happy, or they’re just faking it?”

I stared at my phone, switched it off, and break the sim card in it. Chewed it until I couldn’t recognize it was a sim. Then I took the battery and throw it away.

“This place,” I thought to myself, “I won’t ever come back without becoming successful. And maybe, Jane will be there waiting for me,” I said, murmuring to myself. And I turn back to the place I didn’t want to go.

Death race, a place where only you can dictate your life.

And I promise I won’t ever come back without achieving my goal.

Lake Chass.

The Mission (Part Two)

Read Part One Here: The Mission

You don’t always get what you want, but sometimes, it is better to be fully equipped. Not knowing what awaited me, I keep on going forward.

I don’t want anyone to think am weird or something. But when it turns to something that I feel deeply connected to, you better don’t mess with it. Meeting this girl is another turn-up of life.

It seems am going to forget about everything. Maybe I should just pay attention to her. Well, that depends on her term. Whether she wants me or not.

I sat down there looking straight into her eyes, thinking and assuming everything. Do you also love me, babe? Or you’re just saying this to let time pass? I was asking myself.

“Jane, what if you’re just saying this to make me realize my mistakes? What if you didn’t love me?” I said, trying to reassure myself.

“Well, maybe you haven’t made any mistake. Maybe you’re doing the right thing. Everything happens for a reason.” She said, telling me how determined she is.

I was amazed at how powerful we are if only we can choose to follow our hearts. Although our hearts almost always make us do shitty things, what about those greatest times? When our hearts did encourage us to push through the hurdles? Incredibly wonderful. I was asking myself, “What if I didn’t try?”

The answer is; that I will still be there drooling about how far am falling in love. Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend.

Since we’re both moving in the same direction, there is no point in beating around the bush. I have to tell it just the way it is. So I said,

“Jane, I believe you understand my love life? I hate wasting time. If you don’t love me please let me know. I can’t be here wasting time on someone who wouldn’t care about me. I have dated your friend and you also understand the situation she put me in. Now, am not interested in facing the same thing as you. Please, Jane, I want you to be honest with me,” I said, trying to be composed as ever.

Although, I hate putting up lies, sometimes, you have to know how to present yourself. Most importantly, when we’re talking about love.

Based on my deduction, I can feel she loved me. What makes her fall in love? I can’t say. But here, I can feel the vibe.

Waiting for her response. I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t be putting the pressure on you? Maybe I should give you some time?”

She was confused. Maybe thinking if I’m truly serious? Or maybe getting nervous, what will her friends say? Or maybe combining everything? It was hard to say. But then she said, “I don’t know if you can cope with me? I am still a virgin?”

Brilliant. This is brilliant. I was getting excited. The one I was getting all troubled with actually wasn’t a virgin. But her friend? What great luck? This is beyond my expectations. To hide my happiness I said, “That can’t be. How come you’ll still be a virgin? Up to this point? No way!” I said, trying to be serious as if I was talking to a Psychiatric President.

She said, “Not that I didn’t have a boyfriend, but because I couldn’t give him what he want, he was treating me poorly. But what about you? Just the way my boyfriend is treating me, my friend is making you suffer just the same. What a great disappointment?”

And then I realized what is happening. She was facing the same shit as me. Falling head-over-hill for someone who can’t respect your feelings? What a tough journey?

But hey, this is life. And we all have to deal with its unfairness. Or else, it will be another story. I said, “Your friend is not the problem, I am the problem. I was the one allowing her to treat me with disrespect. Trying to put up with her uncertainty all because of love. What a weird thinking?”

“Well, we sometimes pass through some hurdles to meet the real one. Maybe it’s all happened all because of meeting each other?” She said.

Well thought, I think. This is what I want. Being straight with each other? Yeah, having the audacity to be more daring and honest? It was refreshing.

“I think I should have met you long ago before I get in line with your friend. Maybe my life could have improved a little?” I said, trying to feel down.

“Not really, we wouldn’t have valued each other. I think now is the right time,” she said, feeling proud of her decision.

You’re right, I thought to myself. “But hey, what make you think I might not be able to cope with you? Because you’re still a virgin?”

She sighed, “I wanted to wait until am deeply sure of the right man, and I don’t know how long that will me. Maybe you shouldn’t try at all, I might not be the best candidate,” she said.

Candidate my ass, I thought to myself. What the fuck is she even thinking about?

“You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t even try,” I said, “But the problem is, I am loving you already.”

In life, not everything deserves proper care. Sometimes, you have to go all in as if you don’t give care about the world.

Sitting down and looking at her, I know I am choosing the right choice. Even if I failed, at least, I’ll fail while daring greatly. I just want to love her with all my heart. Nothing else.

Some people say you shouldn’t love that openly. That you should guard your feelings? Well, that’s crazy. They’re scared of being hurt? What a coward!

I am deciding already, this girl, even when she’s not going to love me back, I am loving her already. With that, I stood up, leaned in, and kiss her with deep passion.

People are looking? Yes, I know! I just don’t care anymore. I am going to die, I want to die being live a life worth remembering. I want to take care of my loved ones without holding anything back.

“Jane, I love you!” I said while looking at her with that innocent face.

She blushed, feeling nervous, and said, “What are you doing? Can’t you see people are all looking at you?”

I smiled. What a joke? People are all looking at me? Funny! Ain’t you the one they’re paying all attention to? But anyway, that’s how women think.

“Let’s go,” I said, stretching my hand.

She was confused but took out her hand anyway. And we both leave the restaurant as if no one was there looking at us in the first place.

In life, you have both the YES and NO. You can decide to follow your heart, face all the consequences, and either come back thanking yourself for doing so or getting hurt to the point of feeling as if you’ve made the wrong decisions while the lessons learned will remain in your heart, guiding all your footsteps for the nearest future.

And you can choose to never take action at all, that you can’t just face all the humiliation, and later on, you’re being there regretting what you could have done but didn’t do. That maybe you could have gone for it, that at least, you’ll experience how it feels. But no, you didn’t try. And you’re regretting all the stupid shit.

But now, I have decided. There’s no turning back. I am loving this girl, and there is no way am going to stop loving her. Even if she didn’t love me back, at least, I’ll experience how hurtful it is to fall in love with someone you deeply care about.

“Jane, I won’t ever stop falling in love with you. That’s my promise to myself. Am loving you with all my heart.” I said firmly to myself. And we both leave space to let our feelings grow.

The mission is in the life of an untangle success, but only for the brave ones.

Make your decision, and never hold anything back going for it.

You can call me Lake Chass.

Yes, I am Lake Chass.

Read Part One Here: The Mission

The Mission

Looking around softly, there is no way I could be beaten. With all this and that, without wasting enormous talent, this thing, I will dig deeper.

This mission is not optional. It either does or dies. You’ll achieve the aims of your plan? Or you’ll forget all about it? You need to draw the line between you and your opponents.

Is it going to be easy? Not exactly, but reasonably possible. I smirked. This is exactly what I want. Not achieving this goal means not achieving success.

I don’t like the visibility of my plan. But what can I do? Beating myself up? Tag! Am going to tough it out. During this mission, it seems my enemies are going to increase in numbers. But hey, if being a man living his life in his term make more people jealous, so be it. At least, having more unimportant enemies is still the best deal compared with living a miserable life all because you’re afraid of being different.

I love total coolness. Doing my things just the way I want to. Not compromised. Living without giving a care about ‘what say who?’ or ‘who says what?’, just totally indifferent. With ultimate awareness. Looking and listening to everything without seemingly being affected. I love that life.

It’s up to fifteen minutes now, I have a date. A date with someone I haven’t met before. But anytime we chat or exchange text messages, I feel something in my stomach. What makes me feel that way, I don’t know. And that is the main reason for being here, I want to know the reason behind all the sparkling and tingling emotions I always feel when we’re chatting with each other even without ever seeing ourselves before.

Some people say “Like attract like,” I don’t know. But today, am going to find out. But the problem is: the girl was a friend of my girlfriend. Yeah! Am having some feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Or let’s just say, my feeling is having feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Because I am not the one having feelings. It was my feeling that is having feelings for emotional something else. Like, attract like? Wonderful.

But what else can I do? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend. This is a crazy mission.

I don’t want to do this. But my girlfriend caused it. She never gives me total maintenance as the one am giving her. Which is the main root of all this problem.

I don’t easily double dates. But when the person who is dating starts turning herself into something she was not, then I have to change gears. Find another embodiment that is worth it.

I love my girlfriend. But it seem, that my girlfriend didn’t love me. Or she just didn’t love me that much. She was full of excuses. Not having time was her hobby. Always busy like airport floors. As if other people are wasting their time going on dates or meeting their loved ones.

But heaven is working in alignment with my goals. She called me on her tight friend’s cell phone. This means I can now tell her friend how she’s treating me before I break up with her.

I did try my best to pinpoint where she was behaving stupidly. But my girlfriend refused to listen.

I sometimes call her friend. Explain what am passing through with her friend. And she always advised me to keep on enduring. But the question is: How long will I wait, for my girlfriend to start treating me with total dignity and respect? Maybe I’ll wait for the rest of my life?

“God forbid,” my girlfriend tight friend replied, “I know you love my friend, and I understand what you’re feeling. Please, try to hold on a little.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “I will try my best.”

But yet, nothing changed. Instead of my girlfriend telling me the truth if she loves me or not, she was playing a mind game. Fooling the reality out of me and telling me she didn’t have time. That she was busy every day. That even if she did want to come, where I was staying is too far. And besides, she was shy coming there. What a joke? Telling me you’re not interested anymore is better than giving all these bitter excuses.

Maybe I have chosen the wrong girl.

Telling me you’re busy today and claiming you’re shy tomorrow is the same as saying I don’t worth your time. What the fuck is fucking this girl? Why can’t she be straight with me? She could just tell me she’s not interested anymore instead of trying to fool my brain.

With my ultimate honesty and the outrageous feelings of love, after talking to my girlfriend’s tight friend, I started falling for her.

No way! I told myself. What will people say about me? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend? Isn’t this a joke? Telling her I love her? This might be the end of everything.

I started getting furious about my fuckup mind. Why on earth would you fall for someone just like that? My girlfriend’s tight friend? This is crazy.

I keep on struggling, troubling myself not to do that. Falling in love with someone that means much to my girlfriend? This is total nonsense. I have to work more on my brain and discipline the fucked my emotions. Why am I becoming spoiled?

I keep on suppressing my feelings until I didn’t have the power to do so.

And then I finally walked up to my girlfriend’s tight friend and say, … … …

“Jane, am sorry, I love you,”

I was feeling stupid and uneasy. But anyway, I continued,

“I know you’re going to feel wronged. I know you’re going to feel misunderstood. But to God who made me, I am tired of your friend. What else can I do? Continue being tortured by her love? No! I can’t. It’s just that, you’ve occupied my mind. Please Jane, be my woman.”

I don’t know if this will be the end of everything or not. But there was a lesson I learned for a decade now: always be honest with your feelings. But sometimes, our feelings deeply fuck us up. And yes, it is fucking me up now.

She went deep into thinking. Maybe calculating everything. Loss and gain. Left or right. Thinking it through. It was depressing. She sighed. Maybe getting panicked, because she was sweating.

After three minutes of silence, both of us looking at each other. Sometimes she looked away and was feeling uneasy. But then she said,

“I also love you.”

The mission.

READ PART TWO HERE: The Mission (Part Two)

Mastercraft Lake Chass

Personal is my thing. Doing it just the way everyone else is doing it? No way! And I don’t have a time frame for everything. Perish now or died later? They’re almost the same.

I raised my head, scanning the pertinent information about the new version of this mission. It seems that I might not also survive this. Have I died before? Don’t ask! That was just my style. Taking everything into account. Just in case it didn’t turn out to be the way I planned it to be. Always prepared.

In this assignment, there are so many obstacles. Coupled with ultimate dissatisfaction. But as always, challenging everything is my best hobby. Not giving a damn what the hell the situation turn out to be. The best attitudes you can get.

They call me Lake, Lake Chass. I hate philosophy but love empiricism. There’s no point in only talking about theories. At least, you should be an experimentalist. Believing both the truth (and lies) without having the sense that it might not be the same as they say is a very good way to waste your life.

I love to experience, and that is exactly what am going to do. Taking actions more than telling it in theory. And as one of the Marine Corps said; “No mission survives the first plan. Improvising is the best bet,” or maybe not a Marine Corps. Maybe he was a soldier? Or air force base? I don’t know. But I remember them saying. It has been leading me through the worst moment. Thinking on my feet. No time for dilly-dallying.

Taking a risk or not? That is your cup of tea. What you want will determine the decision you make. And your decision will determine the results. If you want small success, you can decide to be what everyone wants you to be. But if you want to make your life count, don’t listen to anyone. I told myself.

There are many spectators in my surroundings. Looking and sneer at me when I pass by. Some of them think that am wasting my life. And some think there’s no way am going to become great. To hell with them, I said. I don’t have time to waste on useless people.

Going to work is like going to hellfire. I usually jog every day. Waking up at 4:30 am, lift some weight, and finally hit the road. Not an easy task. But I love it.

I don’t lift weights every day. I do it one day ON one-day OFF. Taking the other day to rest. That’s my best choice. I don’t care about what the gurus say about waking up every day. That you should train fucking hard. That shit ain’t for me. I only do my shit just the way I love to. You can burn your ass off every fucking hour, I don’t care.

Working out or not working out, it all depends on what you want. I’d rather train on my own than have a membership. Hell, I can’t even work out all day. At least, I must take a rest. Call it “80” by “20” philosophy, maybe! I was just doing my things.

I hate competition. Others’ preparation for life won’t ever be considered my own. Do your things and allow me to do mine. There will never be any argument.

I checked my phone. Fifteen minutes past ten. Ten in the morning. Very entitlement. Hours that make people stress themselves. Everyone thinks they’re doing something great when in reality, some people are just killing time. No improvement. No personal understanding of what they’re doing. They’re just killing time.

No! Not everyone will become great. But that doesn’t mean we should all be useless. We need more thinkers in our midst.

I took my pen. Relax a bit and write:

That is it. If you want to become great. There are certain points in your life where you must draw a clear line. You must determine your want between their wants.

No one can stop me now even including myself.

Mastercraft is the best personalization of life.

You can call me Lake Chass. Yeah! I am Lake.

Have a wonderful life.

Ultimate Step, Lake Chass

How many times have you seen a man looking for job?

Three times? Or maybe five times? Okay, it might be a million times.

But there’s something in common. Maybe in their characters? Or in their dressings? Okay, maybe they have the same attitude?

Well, as plenty as enough of a job seekers you’ve ever come across with. Meeting me is not a common subject. I am very different among of all. You know why?

Because they call me Lake Chass!

I am the first born of my family. The one everyone looks up to. Single and never married. Nor do I know if am going to. Marriage is like a coffin. At least to me.

Life is hard, but getting married is harder. I love being single. Living life on the edge. Not caring about ‘who say what?,’ just plainly living my life.

Although it is hard. At least sometimes. Not pressing or touching boobs, even when you did really want to. It’s kinda annoying. But I think it worth it. Living life on your own term. Excellently superb!

I don’t like women.

Or maybe am just trying to like them. But I hate their stupid behavior. Sometimes they make me question my beliefs. Doubting myself if I really love them. But it seem I love them. I just don’t like being with them. Maybe not always.

There’s no food in my stomach. Maybe there’s no water as well. But I can feel something. It seem I have to start working. But what can I do? I don’t know. I just have to work.

I hate relying on anything. And that was why I leave my girlfriend. I always feel tingling in my stomach, anytime am thinking about her. And I don’t want to feel the lost, anytime she breakup with me. Or anytime we breakup with each other. In my mind, I never ready to get married. And better safer than sorry. Or what they say.

And beside, taking care of her seem like unreachable dream. A man without income. No woman will marry such a person. And they say love is blind. Maybe they’re lying. If it was true, then every girl should be dying for me.

So I sat down in my room. Thinking about how to pass this huddles. First, I need food. Second, I have to start working. At least, getting my ass off. Maybe that will do.

Am not planning to by a private jet. Nor am I planning to build a mansion. Feeding my mouth is all I need. You can call it selfishness, I don’t care.

Back in the days, I wanted to become a soldier. Fighting for my country and all that. But then I realized, these people are not even worth it. Living life as if they’re going to live forever. They’re a bunch of losers. I sneer. I just don’t like civilians. They’re all lazy as fuck.

However, I think I was one of them. And that is the same reason I am sitting down here. In my room. Asking myself all the crazy questions. Why am I living like shit?

It has been up to six hours. Thinking and brainstorming. Sketching my brain out. Assuming all the necessities. Oh no! I think I have to be great.

I took my phone out. Switched it on. And I dialed the number I have been choosing to ignored.

After the third ring. My call was connected.

“Hello Cynthia, It’s Lake! Lake Chass.”

She didn’t replied. Or maybe she was getting angrier.

After a brief moment of silence, I said;

“Cynthia, am sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please, forgive me!”

After that I hung up. There’s no point in waiting for her turn. I was the one that caused everything.

I walked out of my room. Closed the door and looked up to myself; this time,

I won’t ever come back without achieving my dream.

Taking a step at a time.

I leave my room, my apartment, my house and I finally leave my home town.

Without achieving my dream, I won’t ever come back to this house.

They call me Lake Chass.

I am Lake Chass!

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