Welcome To Hell

I wish I could walk up to every man, telling them how wonderful it will be, if ‘only’ they could live without getting attached.

I wish I could also walk up to every woman, telling them all the awesome feelings, explaining to them all the emotional off-loads they’re going to feel, only if they could live their lives, without getting attached to anything. But just the fuck it is, it seem it’s an unreachable dream.

Many has been said about love. But (I feel) something has never been cleared – ability to describe your feelings without getting hung up.

If a serious relationship is what you want, and you’re more than happy to stay with one person for the rest of your life – so be it. But don’t ever condemned those who think it’s not a better idea (at least for them) even when the reality is just that;  they’re running from something.

I respect every woman’s feelings. But that is the least I could do. I can never go as far as to changing myself just because of them. Unless the change comes from within.

That’s it. Is either you’re also playing the game or you’re being played. Either you want it or not.

Has anyone ever tells you to be honest with women? Has they ever tells you to never hide your feelings for them? Great! Then what did you gained? I doubt you’re heartbroken by now. As in, you didn’t find your dream girl.

Shame on you.

But wait? Those who tell you how to relate with women. How to talk to them. How to take them to first-date and second-date didn’t necessarily made a mistake. In fact, they’ve actually done a great job. But the problem is: are you combining ‘wisdom’ with your honesty? Ain’t women using you? Or let just say… Were you being fucked!

Remember those time when you’re being honest as fuck? Where you believe because you don’t ever manipulate anybody and that you’re transparent like no ever, that all because of that women should treat you with respect, that they should be loyal to you, cherish you and go over-the-moon just to celebrate how awesomely good you are, and that nobody should lie to you because after all you never lie to anyone? You remember? Great! How many of that moment really turned out just the way you want? (I doubt any!)

Now let look at it this way. Let assume you’re really an honest person. And in fact you treat everyone with your ultimate respect. But instead of being naive all because of honesty, you choose to remain smart. Although you’re honest as fuck, but you never doubt the fact that people can hurt you. You never fall asleep on the assumption of: as much as am being honest with people then people will never lie to me! But instead, you remain vigilant at all cost. You put everything in a perspective of: “Look! Just because you’re honest with people it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be dishonest with you. In fact, people have the tendency of hurting you better because they knew you were an honest man and you wouldn’t fight back.”

“Having an honest mind is great but together with being smart is better!”

You need to be incredibly awesome (at anything you do). You need to understand that, loving women is an honest to God practice and that you should cherish them with all your might but you must also remember that, they could fuck you real hard.

If being honest is the only thing you have up your sleeve then be ready for a difficult journey. Not only women, almost everyone in your circle will fuck you hard.

But to avoid all these uselessness:

Once people knew that you can’t deflect the truth from being lie to then that will be a great tools to be used against you. You’ll be there smiling like a silicone – believing everything you’re being told – when in reality, you’re been fed with a bunch of lie. And you won’t know. Not really, because you trust the way too much. You think because you didn’t lie to people then no one will lie to you. And you continue living your life as such. You’ve forgotten that the best way to manipulate someone is to appeal to their best side of character, what they’re good at.

So instead of just accepting people just the way they are. Check out if what they are is really worth it. Because being with a manipulative (partner or lover or whatever the fuck that someone may be) bag of shit won’t actually help you in reaching your goals. Instead, they’ll be more than happy to drain you.

And for the sake of this article (although I don’t know if the title actually aligned with what I write but anyway let just roll with it *cough* – *cough*) never take advice from anyone you think ain’t worth shit.

Be honest and be caring all you want- but never forget that people can still manipulate you together with your honesty. Hell, that’s what they want anyway. Yeah, your honesty! So be very careful and vigilant with anything you do.

For this case, love women, cherish them, protect them. But never forget the fact that: they could fuck you real hard.

You Know Why It Failed…?!?

… Because I couldn’t withstand a serious relationship!

I was shitty as fuck. Deregulated as fuck. Talking as fuck. And finally stupid as fuck. I didn’t have a life!

How many times have you believe how wonderful you are when in reality you’re just a useless prick?

We believe we’re something when actually we’re nothing! Nothing! But no! We tell ourselves wonderful things. Things we actually want to hear. Not what we should hear. We love pampering. Yeah! Pampering ourself. Instead of saying, “What the fuck? I am amount to nothing!” we say, “Correct! This is who I am.” when in reality, who we claim we are is just another form of uselessness.

I didn’t understand myself. Or let say, I didn’t understand my flaw.

I. Was. Stupid. That’s all.

I lost so many opportunities I couldn’t even count.

I wasted so much time on what didn’t matter. So much effort on useless shit. Instead of improving myself, I thought I was okay. I thought nothing is wrong with me. I thought I am the best. But ‘woe’ is me. I am just a useless prick.

I drive (almost) all the good relationship I have out of me due to my useless-good-sucking mentality of believing I can’t change because I think I am normal just the way I am. That those who can’t relate with me are the useless bastards. Well… I am the bastard – not them! I am the one behaving like shit.

Maybe I should tell you? You need change.

No! Not unbearable change. I mean physical change. Mental change. And probably habits change. To be honest, some things are not just okay.

So instead of continue lying to myself, I chose change. I chose to cherish every opportunity. Telling myself I could be better. Yeah! I can still achieve more. No! Not money all any superficial grand things. I mean emotionally – I can still be great. Instead of repelling people, driving them away, I want to be able to accept them.

Because not accepting them mean not accepting myself. You know why? Because I am shitty.

But now, I have chosen a different route. I want to be able to say, “Yeah! I know I am not the best. But at least I could change. Yeah! I mean I could be better!” that’s it. I don’t want to be in this mess again. I want to be emotionally better.

And what make you write this post? If you may ask – well,… I realize I was living like shit. And I don’t want to continue living this way. I want to know how to do better in relationship. Instead of saying, “I am okay,” I want to say the truth: “I am shitty in relationship!”

And if you’re going to spare me, right now, am starting to call all my love ones back. Because as from now, there’s no such thing as an asshole again (in my life). I don’t know about yours.

Yeah! Fuck you for thinking ‘badass’ never do that. You’re arrogant. That’s all.

I Can’t Give Her What She Wants

“The girl is not the problem. The problem is me.”

If am going to explain this; all am going to say (without me actually understanding it) is that: I can’t wrap my head around women. Not because they didn’t seem cool or normal. But because am scared I might not be able to give them what they want.

Women want to feel save – but I don’t want to do so.

They want a loving husband – when am just a simple partner.

Loving is sweet – but sometimes I prefer a simple partner.

What should I do?

“There’s only one thing that I want. I want my woman to have a base, a base where I could meet her, a base where I could say, “Yeah, am going to meet my babe,” where actually am not feeling attached. But the problem is: will any woman allow her man to live such a life..!!?”

http://www.iamlasisi.com

Will any woman allow her man to be?

Let assume am dating your sister, and one day she walk up to you, and she told you how she met this man. He is caring, have good physique, and oh, he’s very gentle. But the problem is: he didn’t want to live with his wife. He strongly want to be alone. What Will You Do?

Will you allow her to marry such a useless asshole? Or will you advise her to follow her dream? – This is the problem that I have: I don’t want to be with women. But I deeply respect them.

Some people say ‘that’s just a lie,’ how will you love someone and not wanting to be with them? – Well, all I could say is that, am not that hard of a man, but when am in retrospective, I prefer the staying alone.

Yeah… It seem staying alone makes him happy.

If we should all be honest, sometimes (if not most of the time) we deeply want to question ourselves. Our values, does it align with our goals? And when we couldn’t find the answers, we feel lost.

Although, am not that a selfish prick. But I think right now, am going to be one. Because I don’t think there’s any benefits in trying not to offend my woman when in contrast, I am offending myself?

I want to date a woman – but am not in anyway interested in being bug down. I just want to be free…

But a problem is coming to pass…

I have already gotten a girlfriend.

She’s been keeping up with me all the time, accepting whom I am. But most times, I still feel like being fake. I feel like am not being genuine. Trying to compromise myself, all because of making her secure. It seem weird.

Maybe I shouldn’t hurt the woman, or I shouldn’t hurt her ego. But the truth is: I don’t want to get married. And if I must end up in marriage, I want us to live apart.

And if that mean am going to stay lonely, well, so be it. I just can’t force myself in a relationship where I couldn’t be there for the woman.

The Mundane Task

Imagine yourself having a shitty woman. She didn’t care offending you. She didn’t give a fuck. She didn’t understand the word compromised. She prefers doing it her own way. But she’s cute. She’s wonderful. When we’re talking about temperament, she’s the best. You love her – deeply. You truly care about her. But the problem is… She only care about her dream. Anything else that doesn’t relate to her? Well, they could go fuck themselves. But the most eye catching thing is: you still love her with all this. What Will You Do?

But before you started forming all the critical ideas, thinking how you’ll counter-attack her stupid behavior, just wait a bit.

Now let pretend it’s not the woman. Let pretend you’re the one. Let assume you’re the one having all these shitty ideas. That you’re the one who doesn’t give a fuck. That you’re the one who doesn’t care about anyone else except your dreams. Now let pretend that the woman still love you. Upon all your crazy ideas, upon all your stupidities, she still care about you. What Will You Do?

You don’t really want any woman around you. You just want to live your life. You just want to be whatever the fuck you deeply wanted to be. Yet this woman loves you. She deeply care about you. She didn’t gives a fuck what anyone says. She only care about you.

She stayed by your side. Always hoping the best for you. Even when you’re being this shitty, she still respect you.

What will you do?

• Wanting a perfect match, a woman that will love you just the way you are, when in reality, you can’t even love yourself.

• Wanting to be with someone who will cherish you, who will understand all the struggles of your life, who will make everything and everyone around you blossom, and here you are, living all the moment of your life chasing things, pursuing things you wouldn’t wanted to have, at least in the nearest five years. What a waste.

• And what about you? You deeply wanted to marry a model, a model working his/her ass off to be better, kicking himself day-and-night to be better, but you – what did you do? What did you do to deserve her love? What make you think he’s going to love you back? You’re ugly as fuck. And you couldn’t even lift a finger to make yourself better. And you’re here waiting for the dream of your life? – wake up! No one ever wanted to be with a useless fuckface. Believe me, you’re just a stupid wreck.

Wanting something is different from working your ass off to get it.

You can be there praying all day. Asking God (or whatever the fuck you believe in) to bless you with good wife, a good wife with an excellent shape and an awesome boob. But believe me, your God won’t ever be there to help you. He won’t ever take you out to approach women. He won’t ever hold your hand, showing you around where the best place you could go to meet women. He can only do the best of giving you the idea, now it left to you to do the mundane task.

I have seen so many relationship failed (including mine). But what I realized was that, some of us didn’t want what we think we want. Because when the shit hit the fans, we still prefer being the shitty person we are deep-down. We prefer doing the shit we always do, over and over again, but just that, we’re now expecting different results. I hope we all wake up from our own delusional fuck up dreams.

Believe me, we’ve all gat a mundane task to do. (Yeah, both me and you). We must make our relationship count. We must give it all our best.

Because I think as long as you’re in deep love. And you deeply cherish the man or the woman that we’re talking about. Then I believe we could all change for better. I believe we could all say, “Yeah, I think it’s time for me to make my relationship better,” trust me, we all deserve to make this grandeur decision.

Of course I cherish your ideas. And I really respect your decisions. But believe me; no man or any woman will ever date you without having the strength to compromise.

Because it’s a mundane task, the one that anyone (and everyone) who really wanted to be better must do, at least in their chosen relationship.

Eradication

“God will never give out money, He can only give out the ideas.”

I was worried. Yes. But not about mundane things. I was worried because I couldn’t figure out my life.

I know, people say you should figure out your purpose. Yes… I have. But what about finance? What about sleepless night worrying about debt? Some will say I shouldn’t worry about the small stuff. That I should focus on the big picture. But wait…!! What big picture are they talking about? When am still struggling to put food on the table? No way! I have to say a BIG No!

It’s not that I don’t want to believe in the fallacy, “Yeah, find what you love doing and you wouldn’t work the rest of your life,” fuck it! We gotta work our ass off. We gotta do the shit we didn’t wanted to do. ‘There’s no money, and am also hanging on a debt, and you’re telling me to believe on my dream? Which fucking dream..!!?’ but the reality is right here staring me in the face: I am broke. Period.

But upon all these calamities, I can still see something I didn’t manage to see (at least back then). I didn’t manage to understand that, “God will never give you money, He can only pass you the idea,” very liberating.

I was one of a hardcore, at least when talking about life. I only believe in living a simple life. Sometimes the idea of getting married make me sick. While sometimes I just feel like doing nothing. But mostly I hate the responsibility. Having to deal with emotions, asking whereabouts, differences in values and much more. It doesn’t seem cool to me. But then I decide; if God can give idea on how to overcome all these huddles, then why wouldn’t He do the same in relationship? Believe me, I was left dumbfounded.

That means to say, I was the one making the stuff up. I was the one affecting my life. God didn’t sent me to borrow money, I was the one coming up with the idea. Although, if the money I borrowed really yield a good wonderful return, well, I wouldn’t be here ranting. But yeah, we all have our own unique stupidity of making our lives more miserable. Making decisions we shouldn’t have made. But now, it seem have learned some lessons.

So instead of beating myself up. I want to eradicate this. I want to find some ways out. Maybe, I mean maybe, I might come out victorious at the end of this tunnel.

…because right now, I can only keep on hoping.