Looking around softly, there is no way I could be beaten. With all this and that, without wasting enormous talent, this thing, I will dig deeper.
This mission is not optional. It either does or dies. You’ll achieve the aims of your plan? Or you’ll forget all about it? You need to draw the line between you and your opponents.
Is it going to be easy? Not exactly, but reasonably possible. I smirked. This is exactly what I want. Not achieving this goal means not achieving success.
I don’t like the visibility of my plan. But what can I do? Beating myself up? Tag! Am going to tough it out. During this mission, it seems my enemies are going to increase in numbers. But hey, if being a man living his life in his term make more people jealous, so be it. At least, having more unimportant enemies is still the best deal compared with living a miserable life all because you’re afraid of being different.
I love total coolness. Doing my things just the way I want to. Not compromised. Living without giving a care about ‘what say who?’ or ‘who says what?’, just totally indifferent. With ultimate awareness. Looking and listening to everything without seemingly being affected. I love that life.
It’s up to fifteen minutes now, I have a date. A date with someone I haven’t met before. But anytime we chat or exchange text messages, I feel something in my stomach. What makes me feel that way, I don’t know. And that is the main reason for being here, I want to know the reason behind all the sparkling and tingling emotions I always feel when we’re chatting with each other even without ever seeing ourselves before.
Some people say “Like attract like,” I don’t know. But today, am going to find out. But the problem is: the girl was a friend of my girlfriend. Yeah! Am having some feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Or let’s just say, my feeling is having feelings for my girlfriend’s tight friend. Because I am not the one having feelings. It was my feeling that is having feelings for emotional something else. Like, attract like? Wonderful.
But what else can I do? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend. This is a crazy mission.
I don’t want to do this. But my girlfriend caused it. She never gives me total maintenance as the one am giving her. Which is the main root of all this problem.
I don’t easily double dates. But when the person who is dating starts turning herself into something she was not, then I have to change gears. Find another embodiment that is worth it.
I love my girlfriend. But it seem, that my girlfriend didn’t love me. Or she just didn’t love me that much. She was full of excuses. Not having time was her hobby. Always busy like airport floors. As if other people are wasting their time going on dates or meeting their loved ones.
But heaven is working in alignment with my goals. She called me on her tight friend’s cell phone. This means I can now tell her friend how she’s treating me before I break up with her.
I did try my best to pinpoint where she was behaving stupidly. But my girlfriend refused to listen.
I sometimes call her friend. Explain what am passing through with her friend. And she always advised me to keep on enduring. But the question is: How long will I wait, for my girlfriend to start treating me with total dignity and respect? Maybe I’ll wait for the rest of my life?
“God forbid,” my girlfriend tight friend replied, “I know you love my friend, and I understand what you’re feeling. Please, try to hold on a little.”
“It’s okay,” I said, “I will try my best.”
But yet, nothing changed. Instead of my girlfriend telling me the truth if she loves me or not, she was playing a mind game. Fooling the reality out of me and telling me she didn’t have time. That she was busy every day. That even if she did want to come, where I was staying is too far. And besides, she was shy coming there. What a joke? Telling me you’re not interested anymore is better than giving all these bitter excuses.
Maybe I have chosen the wrong girl.
Telling me you’re busy today and claiming you’re shy tomorrow is the same as saying I don’t worth your time. What the fuck is fucking this girl? Why can’t she be straight with me? She could just tell me she’s not interested anymore instead of trying to fool my brain.
With my ultimate honesty and the outrageous feelings of love, after talking to my girlfriend’s tight friend, I started falling for her.
No way! I told myself. What will people say about me? Falling in love with my girlfriend’s tight friend? Isn’t this a joke? Telling her I love her? This might be the end of everything.
I started getting furious about my fuckup mind. Why on earth would you fall for someone just like that? My girlfriend’s tight friend? This is crazy.
I keep on struggling, troubling myself not to do that. Falling in love with someone that means much to my girlfriend? This is total nonsense. I have to work more on my brain and discipline the fucked my emotions. Why am I becoming spoiled?
I keep on suppressing my feelings until I didn’t have the power to do so.
And then I finally walked up to my girlfriend’s tight friend and say, … … …
“Jane, am sorry, I love you,”
I was feeling stupid and uneasy. But anyway, I continued,
“I know you’re going to feel wronged. I know you’re going to feel misunderstood. But to God who made me, I am tired of your friend. What else can I do? Continue being tortured by her love? No! I can’t. It’s just that, you’ve occupied my mind. Please Jane, be my woman.”
I don’t know if this will be the end of everything or not. But there was a lesson I learned for a decade now: always be honest with your feelings. But sometimes, our feelings deeply fuck us up. And yes, it is fucking me up now.
She went deep into thinking. Maybe calculating everything. Loss and gain. Left or right. Thinking it through. It was depressing. She sighed. Maybe getting panicked, because she was sweating.
After three minutes of silence, both of us looking at each other. Sometimes she looked away and was feeling uneasy. But then she said,
“I also love you.”
READ PART TWO HERE: The Mission (Part Two)